Musings..
As i write this I have a headache, am coming from a place of nothing to say to ill let the music in the background amplify the moment until all it’s small details seem far reaching and hopefully the ache will be gone. Perhaps there after I will have something to say.
To say that am complicated is an understatement, a realisation several have come to including mother dearest. I do not have or perhaps i don’t brook the luxury of “taking-it-easy”. Even when I do the utterly mundane I can’t help but do them seriously.
Being at the onset of that lonely latent kind of panic which accompanies the realisation that you can no longer afford not to know where your life is heading does not help either.
Perhaps in the haze of this panic I have come to thinking that maybe I seriously screwed things up earlier while I was being serious doing what I was doing.
My career for one, well ( sigh) lets say it’s limping along towards something good. I read those selfhelp books and voraciously so. They say to keep positive. That’s the medicine am supposed to be on right now.
Can I say I don’t know how that is going or is that negative already?
2nd Sigh!
So school has increasingly been seeming attractive, an escape-a solve all. Not just the crazy parties and the slow days spent doing absolutely nothing but the reading part too. But i can’t decide what to study let alone where.
There is the allure of exotic foreign cities where I have to learn new languages, but I also know that I don’t have the patience required to learn a language.
Then there is love…(wince)
Even my diary doesn’t know much on this one,well largely because I abandon her while the vagaries of the love business take over. Then there is the off chance that a sibling may come across it. I hear people use codeword but mine is designed to be blonde so I stick to the simple.
Love loves me but only as much as i love it back, there-in lies my woes. Some…
3rd sigh!
Now that my head still throbs I will lie down
